Trust in Your Care Provider

Trust is a huge thing in birth and I'm sure I will talk about it many times to come on this blog. Your birth is influenced by your trust in your doctor, your partner, and most importantly in yourself.

I'm going to talk about all three of these the next few weeks. Today, I will begin with trusting your care provider.

Unfortunately many doctors and midwives are being given women's trust that they have not earned and do not deserve. No this is not the case with every doctor but with too many unfortunately. Many doctors no longer follow the oath "First do no harm" and instead look out for their own schedules, wallets, and doing what's easiest for them rather than what's best for mother and baby.

I unfortunately learned this first hand. When having my daughter I trusted my doctor with my whole heart. My husband and I both have said he reminded us of a kindly uncle. We were so thankful he was such a proficient surgeon when I had my first c-section which was necessary. When we found ourselves expecting J unexpectedly we trusted him again. When he said we had to have another c-section we trusted he was doing what was best by us. He even told us we would be able to VBAC the next time around if we had more time between our births. I didn't question this I didn't ask for a second opinion, I just trusted him. J was born at 38 weeks due to this doctor's vacation schedule. There was no confirmation my son's lungs were ready to leave the womb. And I we trusted he was doing what was best and necessary. On the delivery table he told us I had no scar tissue and could have delivered vaginally after all. This sparked my husband and my interest so I began researching in the weeks and months following. I realized how many risks our doctor took and the lies he had told us. I did not have a horrible c-section. J was fine and I healed well but finding out the truth was a brutal realization.

I have talked with many other women who've been in a similar situation, and I agree with them it's horrible that all doctors are not benevolent and not all doctors are honest. Women put so much faith and trust into their OBs. We develop a relationship with this person and trust them with the most precious things in our life. Yet so many times we fall in love with a pitch and a smile of a provider so early on. When we walk in the first obstetrician appointment and see our baby on the monitor for the first time, or here that whooshing incredible heartbeat we are blown away and that person becomes a part of our path and we don't think they could be anything but perfect.

Why is it if we were told we had cancer we would look for the best doctor we could find to treat us and we would research our condition and educate ourselves as much as possible. We would get several opinions and treatment options. If we were buying a house we would shop around, compare pricing, research the area, do inspections, before purchasing. Yet most women do not visit various care providers. We do not question them on cesarean rates of their practices, how long you will be allowed to labor, at what gestation do they recommend induction, what pain relief options do they offer medicated and natural, where will your baby go after delivery, do they require you be hooked to the monitors and IVs, and so much more.

It's so easy to get caught in the moment and just blindly trust and many women pay the price for this.

You do need a doctor you can trust but do not trust blindly. Your doctor may care for you but he/she is doing a job and you are a client. Also despite however many degrees a doctor is human. They are not infallible and they do not know everything. Remember this. You are trusting them with your life and your child's and this trust should not be given lightly. You have every right to question them, to educate yourself, and in doing these things to find the truly supportive doctors who are out there.

I found one of these doctors when planning my VBA2C (vaginal birth after two cesareans). He did cesareans only when necessary. His cesarean rate is about 6%. He will let you go to 42 weeks gestation. He will let you labor 48 hours if the baby is not in distress and there are no signs of infection. He supports vaginal birth and respects my husband and my wishes as well. I didn't just feel he was looking out for our best interests, I knew it. But he was not perfect either and even more important I felt comfortable telling him "No."

I declined having my membranes stripped and checks at my 40 week appointment. I didn't feel pushed to do these things. I had the information and education to back up my decisions as did he and he respected my decisions. Knowing my trust was not ill placed and that I was not going to be forced into anything and all was going to be done as what was truly best for my baby and I made a huge difference in my third pregnancy and birth.

I truly hope someday every care provider deserves our trust but in the mean time shop around, educate yourself, and don't be afraid to question things, and make sure the doctor or midwife you choose to care for you and your baby is worthy of your trust.